Ramblings

It's not even midnight and I am pretty tired, that's part of the being sick thing though. This is going to be random so deal with it.

Sometimes I don't think people realize how deep my trust issues run. It's not something I can control and I can't help when I feel the way I do or freak out about things. Right now that is how I am programmed and it just happens. I need reassurance that things are okay and that I am loved - not all the time, just sometimes. There are times when I read to much into one thing or another, but I just think that people need to be a little more considerate sometimes and while they make think they're words/actions are saying one thing, to me they are saying something completely different, thus the worry. I don't like worrying about stuff, but I also don't like not knowing what is going on. I also don't like waiting on people.

Sometimes I want to chop off all my hair just to freak people out. I think I'd die though, because I love my hair so much. You'd love your hair so much too if yours looked as good as mine.

I don't have a lot of girl friends because girls are dramatic and stupid, as illustrated tonight when I shared the Crazy Rachel story with my roommate Bryan. He had to hear the story in order to differentiate between Crazy Rachel, Crazy Jessika, and Crazy Jenny. I do however, have four of the best girl friends in the world (and that's pretty much my limit, four), thus they are the ones who are going to be in my wedding.

The new people moved in upstairs smoke a lot of pot. Bryan and I were sitting in his room and could smell it soooo strongly. Now they are in the stairwell right above my bedroom, giggling. I hate when guys giggle. Laugh like a man, damnit. And now I smell weed again. Gross. I don't think anyone is home upstairs, because these guys are just sitting in the stairwell throwing stuff at the door upstairs, I think they're waiting for the people who live there to come home. They're really starting to piss me off.

I started watching Friends again, and am on season six. I love this show. Almost as much as I love Buffy, which I also have to watch again.

I have also decided that once again I need to lose weight. People argue with me on this one a lot, but I don't like hearing, "But you're a healthy weight" - by this I mean, when someone says "You're healthy" they really mean you have some meat on your bones, thus you are fat. I will still be healthy, I just won't be flabby. Gross.

Do what you say you are going to do, when you say you are going to do it. Please.